Vegan MoFo Day 4: Tofurky?

I guess Tofurky isn't really a recipe, but it does go along with the current Thankgiving theme. This is actually a really old blog post - from 2007 - from my Livejournal, which often featured food porn and cat pictures and other stuff that I've delegated to other sources (i.e. this food blog). I still think my commentary and pictorial adventures in preparing a Tofurky are useful if not downright entertaining. I thought about editing it, but instead, I'm going to present it to you in it's original form. (Note my old pink rental kitchen and groddy oven that didn't maintain temperature!)

Megatarian Presents:
Tofurkey Dinner
aka "It's A Boob!"

One question I get a lot as a vegetarian is whether or not I've eaten Tofurky, and up until today, the answer has been no. The frozen Tofurkys made me sort of nervous, and they're insanely expensive. I've eaten the deli slices, but never did I venture to eat a full blown Tofurky roast. This past holiday season, however, they were on sale at the coop, and there was a coupon and I got a 26% discount, so I bought a tofurky for about $5 and stuck it in my freezer until I was brave enough to try it. I'm on vacation this week, and there seemed to be no better time to break it out. And so, faithful readers, here is my pictorial journey through Tofurky Land.

Tofurky, eh? Seems harmless enough, has already assured me that it is both vegetarian AND delicious... but what is inside?

AHH! It's a boob! It's a fetus!! It's some mysterious extruded gluten and soy mixture wrapped in plastic with thick metal ties at the end.

Thaw and remove plastic coating prior to cooking. Sounds like good enough advice. I couldn't get those damned metal handcuffs off of it though, so I decided to just stab through the plastic. Totally not as easy as I thought. They make body bags thinner than this stuff. But I made it in...
AHH!! It's a boob! It's a fetus!! It's a football! Wait no, it's a naked tofurkey roast. Okay... the ends look like a dog butt, but otherwise it seems benign enough. Doesn't smell too weird. Isn't slimy. I whip up the prescribed "basting broth" which is really just oil, soy sauce and dried sage. I used olive oil, sesame oil, tamari, and poultry seasoning. Gotta use what you've got kids. Next step is to wrap it in foil and pop it in the oven.

Ooo shiny. And all ready for baking! If you're making one of these, definitely put the cookie sheet under. It oozes.

For the last ten minutes of baking, you unwrap your mottled football boob and baste it with more "basting broth" and put it back in the oven, uncovered, and let it do.. whatever it is it does for ten more minutes.

This is my tofurky in the oven with its friends "scalloped broccoli and cauliflower" and "bread stuffing." These are my standbys in case the tofurky tastes like dog butt. We could make a meal out of scalloped broccoli and cauliflower and bread stuffing alone.


AHH! Okay, wait, don't panic.. it's done now. Hello, little tofurky. How was the oven? It's got a nice tan now and is ready for carving! I actually used a carving fork to carve this, probably the first time in my life I've wielded one.


Ooo slicetastic! The "stuffing" inside looks nothing like the stuffing in the box, and there's a lot less of it. It mostly looks like rice. I'm glad I made bread stuffing on the side.

And there is our tofurkey dinner, complete with sides, gravy, and Brett's arm.

Aaaand the end!
As a sidebar, the scalloped broccoli and cauliflower recipe is from The Vegetarian Family Cookbook by Nava Atlas and it's fantastic.